Joshua Bates

29 years ago, if you’d have asked Joshua Bates’ Uncle Bethany if she knew she would have a nephew who would have the fresh opportunity to work alongside the great Ilyas Sheikh, Uncle Bethany would’ve probably said “Shut up, I’m on the toilet”. Joshua Bates, or Master Bates, is a critically acclaimed fresh actor, best known for that shambles film called Nightfall. After spending eight fresh years in nursery, Joshua decided it was best to leave his home country of Ancient Rome and travel to the Wild Wild West. There, he encountered the fresh Dr Jonathan Harlow PhD, who guided him in the ways of the Crispy Chicken Spirit. Joshua Bates became a member of KFC (Kingston’s Finest Carrots) at the age of 12, and then proceeded to aid the Russian Revolution. By 13, Josh had ran out of money from buying fresh kid size school bags, and became homeless, living in the streets of Hamley’s. After a year of homelessness, Josh realised it was boring so he teleported to the freshest spot in Turkey, where he had a bit more fun. Then he remembered that he actually owned a fresh mansion in the north of southern North Macedonia. Since then, Josh had contributed to climate change and allowed the population to rise. If only he was born on a Tuesday, then he would’ve been president of the USA. So now, he resumes his acting career with DNA: The Movie and intends to nibble some fresh goodness once production is complete. We will end with a prayer that Joshua Bates once said: “fresh mmmmmmm”

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